theheartofmen

Archive for August 2014

I was having a conversation with my Aunt a few days ago and she affirmed something I recently discovered. Most times, the people we call our “spec” are not attracted to our type. Let me explain this.
The whole idea of having a spec is mostly physical; in the sense that these are the people that we would typically picture ourselves with. We tend to respond better to them than we would any other type of guy. For example, if I’m typically attracted to really lanky and tall guys with very strong check bones etc…I might come to realize that these guys are typically not attracted to my type (just an example).
Let me give a more real life example. I know a guy who is not the tallest. He has a lot of good things going for him but his height isn’t one of them. That’s normal; the entire world can’t be tall. I know that shorter guys are typically advised to date and marry tall girls…but my fellow tall girls (5’9 and above) please analyze this. Would you date or marry a guy that is 5’5? I’m 5’10 and while I’m not particular about height, 5’5 seems extreme.
So what do I mean by “Change your style”? Sometimes, when we are so fixated on what we think we want, we lose sight of what wants us. I think marriage should be more of what/who wants you. A friend of mine told me one day that love grows. Some people are lucky to get it immediately, some others have to sow the seed and watch it grow into what they desire. There is no hard and fast rule to it but it is important to note that you can’t do the same thing over and over and expect different results. Change it up.
You like guys who always have activity who excite you and keep you on your toes? Try a nerd who sees the real you and listens to everything you say and gives you peace. You like nerds because you feel you are reserved and don’t want a guy that would expect you to dress up and go out? Try a party animal that can help you taste the other side of life and make you more rounded. Do you like guys that are typically very well informed and know about every topic on the face of the earth? Try a guy who has room to learn a few things from you and looks up to you a bit. There’s something very sweet about learning from each other. Change it up
There is another way to deal with this; you can try becoming the type of guy or girl that would typically attract your spec. You like well informed sharp girls? Open a book. You have to bring something to the table to engage her. You like sharp girls that dress classy? Pull out your cheque book. You like girls that are slim and fit? Hit the gym. Become the type of person that can attract your spec. I personally think this is hard work and sometimes not easy to sustain but I do know it works.
In the end, it’s not enough to sit and dream or pray till the heavens open, it is very important to MOVE. If you really are tired of being alone then take matters into you own hands, you might not be able to control exactly who toasts you but you can definitely control the vibe you give off.



  • None
  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, "...no matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌

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