Archive for January 2014

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Every relationship has its own dynamic. There are things that would fly in some relationships that wouldn’t even take off in the next. This is simply because people are different. Our tolerance levels even vary based on our relationships with the people we meet. Let me explain a bit more.

I’ve had relationships where I was the “mugu”. Not because I didn’t know better but because I felt, at the time, that was the least of my problems. I believed it was my role to endure and be submissive and take accept things. Today that isn’t the case. Moving from a toxic circle to a much healthier one I’ve learned that there is absolutely no reason why I should be unhappy rather than be single. You see the way we react to situations sometimes is affected by the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Distractions are those things we indulge in that prevent us from giving 100% of our lives to a human being that we are not married to. I say “not married to” because I sincerely can’t be bothered by how people plan to play out their marriages. Your spouse is an extension of yourself so by all means, keep your problems between yourselves and God; but until you take that not so certain but very final step, it is very advisable to dot as many I’s and cross as many T’s as possible. So, distractions; they are a necessary evil. They come in various kinds. They are the things that prevent us from becoming needy nags and FBI agents. They are the things that allow us sleep at night because our negative energy is focused somewhere else. They can also be dangerous. Distractions can break a relationship or come back to haunt us later. Let me give SOME common examples;

WORK: Someone once said to me “I can’t date a girl that doesn’t have a job, not because I need her money but because I need her to be busy enough to understand how busy I can get”. Whether we like it or not an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Nothing as bad as having an entire day to think of all the ways your relationship could go wrong lol. Before you realize it you’ll start to react to your own imaginations as though they have already happened. Get a job or a lucrative business that’ll take up a lot of your time. It even gives you something to talk about when you finally spend time together.

RELIGION: This is a very productive distraction. Throw your spare time into studying God and getting closer to Him. There is a down side to this though. Matters of the church are sometimes all consuming. It is up to you to decide. The truth is that if your partner does not understand religion or accept it the way you do this move could wreck your relationship. That’s why you tend to see deeply religious folk dating their kind. There are cases where the love between the couple is enough to bring about the acceptance of things not fully understood but in the end, something would have to give. One person would be won over.

SPECIAL FRIENDS: lol…there’s a fine line between friendship and cheating. Each couple draws that line themselves. Some couples believe it’s only cheating when there’s sex, some believe it’s cheating the moment you have an emotion, whatever your relationship dynamic is you have to be certain what constitutes cheating to your partner before you embark on having a special friend. A special friend is a member of the opposite sex that’s closer than a regular friend but not as close as your partner. They provide mental and emotional support without the benefits a partner would receive. They know their place in your life and they stay there. Some of them have rights oh…lol… they can tell you who to see, what to do but they have no say where your partner is concerned. In fact you could call them an auxiliary boyfriend or girlfriend. I personally don’t know how I feel about this concept but I’ve seen it work for some couples. The bottom line is that, while you’re having a special friend, be sure that if your partner were to have one too you won’t feel bad about it.

Pick your distraction today and save your relationship unnecessary noise. Have a Blessed week and a fabulous 2014.



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  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, " matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌