theheartofmen

Archive for June 2013

fork-in-the-road

Every relationship has stages especially when you are not married. It is therefore very important to know what stage your relationship is at before you begin to get paranoid and start making wrong decisions. It is also very important to be honest with yourself because let’s face it, most of us rarely are.

The Honeymoon phase: This is when you guys just met and you have seen all the qualities you THINK you want in a husband or wife. In no time the “I love yous” start to spill out like Portharcourt rain. You go everywhere together, do everything together. You talk and text all day long and talk about missing each other all the time. You can’t even bare to be mad at each other for long. Bliss. Then one day you discover that you can afford to stay mad a little longer, the fights get more frequent, you start to notice things you didn’t realize where there, that’s what I like to call “growing pains”.

At this point your relationship has entered the Reality Phase. Here you realize that his eyes aren’t that blue after all, he really isn’t the most handsome man in the room. You start to fight over the most stupid things. You don’t know why he or she will not just do things a certain way. But guess what? This is when you discover whether or not that love was built to last. You start to see flaws. These flaws could either make or break your relationship. You see her without make up, you discover that her shit does stink after all. You realize that he doesn’t really have all the answers like you once thought. Some people get to meet families at this stage. They discover that they really can’t stand his/her siblings. They get to know about the other party’s past and decided whether or not it’s too heavy for them to handle. Growing pains are not a good feeling but they are a necessity. It is at this point that it is important to take a step back and assess the usefulness of this relationship. Decide whether or not you are willing to see this thing all the way to the altar. It is important to remove all sentiment and pity at this stage. I like to call this the Fork in the Road.

Every relationship gets here. Some get there earlier than others. The fork leads to two different destinations. One is the altar and the other is back to the single scene. The best way to approach this fork is without fear. Most people, especially females, are so scared of being single after a 6months to 1year relationship they end up in the wrong marriage. Nothing wrong with being single until you are sure. Like my Mama used to say,” it’s not how fast it’s how well”. Those are words I have lived by ever since.

When you get to the fork in the road write a list. Weigh the good against the bad. Score each individual trait. A person might have only one bad quality, but that quality is something you absolutely can’t deal with. They might have 20 good traits and those traits are not enough to make you overlook that one bad trait. Don’t beat yourself up. What you are feeling is normal. It doesn’t make you picky it makes you smart. Even the bible says “know thyself”. You need to know exactly what you can and can’t handle or else you will sink. So when you meet the fork in the road STOP, THINK, PRAY, ANALYSE before you take the next step. If you end up deciding to marry that person the fights will automatically stop because you have decided to accept them with all their flaws so you will no longer see the need to bitch about them. All you do is put effort into making the good better. If you decide to return to the single scene you will also stop fighting; but this time it will be accompanied with a lackluster attitude. You will cease to put in effort. You start looking outside or you start looking for the best way to leave the relationship without making a mess.

In the end, when you get to the fork in the road, CHOSE WISELY. …love you all.

Advertisements


  • None
  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, "...no matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌

Categories