Archive for August 2012

My first attempt at blogging! Read and laugh!!

The Cape Town carnival….

THE Cape Town carnival, which in 2011 drew crowds in excess of 50,000 people  is unique in its history, which is rooted in South Africa’s troubled past.

This year’s celebration, slated to start on Friday the 24th of March and themed “Cape to Cairo” promised to be the biggest street party yet, with parades featuring more than 2000 dazzling costumed performers in 11 themed pods. The 3 best lead dancers were to be selected to travel to Brazil for the famous Rio Carnival. What other opportunity asides this to have a view of a Brazilian Styled carnival, and witness firsthand 3 of its participants! I couldn’t miss this for anything else in the world. So on Feb, 14th; in the absence of any significant other to spend the day with, I decided to send in my application for a South African Visa!

Nothing was going to get in my way.

Prior to sending in my application, the Visa application instructions states amongst others, the need for a Yellow Fever Vaccination Card, popularly called a “Yellow Card”. The “Yellow card” can easily be gotten in designated hospitals or bought off the streets, depending on the urgency. I wasn’t in any particular hurry and decided against getting it the “Naija way”. The yellow card was issued from First Rivers Hospital, Port Harcourt (PH) which is one of PH’s reputable hospitals and also one of my work place retainership clinics. Of course the company paid for the shots and it was duly documented. All requirements had been met and at some point I even made plans to maybe get hitched while in Cape Town. Little did I know that Man Proposes, but the SA High Commission Disposes!

And so after paying the recommended visa fees, my expectations were value for my money since written boldly on the bottom of the receipt page were instructions that read “The fees paid are non refundable and Non transferable”. I wouldn’t need a refund, since I have met and exceeded all the requirements.  Pictures of scantily clad ladies became resident in my thoughts, climbing the Table Mountains in Cape Town and the breath taking view from the mountain top, not to mention taking pictures and uploading on social media sites to increase my social desirability status a notch. Everything had been well planned out. My brother, who resides in SA, had his vacation scheduled at about the same time I was due to be in SA. So asides the carnival ladies, I was also meeting up with family! This was turning out to be the best vacation ever. So that fateful Tuesday, as lovers paraded themselves hand in hand, I left the visa application centre, daydreaming about what “the lover” in Cape Town would look like. My imagination was almost lifelike. The countdown began!

1 week stretched to 2, and then 3. I kept reassuring myself that delay is not denial, while trying to desist from the obsession of daily tracking of my visa application online.

And then the 4th week.
And 5th week.
At this point the worries set in and a call was put through to the Visa application centre in Lekki, Lagos. As usual, they told me what I already knew ;

“Your application has been forwarded to the SA High Commission for further processing. Is there anything else we can do for you?”

Of course there was a whole lot you can do for me like telling your colleagues I have a carnival to catch and  “the lover” is waiting for me” but the Christian in me kindly said “No. that’s all thanks”.

6 weeks.

Depression set in. The need to be proactive became necessary and I began to pack my bags since the carnival was just a few days away. All I had to do was catch a flight to Lagos from PH on the day the visa comes out, grab a bike from the airport to Lekki for fear of traffic, pick up my passport with the stamped Visa, grab another bike to the airport and catch the next flight to SA. Thoughts of “the lover” kept me strong! I imagined “the lover” might grow a liking in Nigerian dishes and thought buying some Egusi and Ogbono with Stock fish, Periwinkle and Ugwu leaves to prepare some mouth watering Nigerian meal will earn me some man points. Asides from keeping me strong, thoughts of “the lover” also made me foolish! The 6th week was drawing to an end. March 24th was 2 days away. This was highly unacceptable, but all I could do was wait.

And Friday, the 24th came

And it went.

And I wept!

All my dreams were shattered! My hopes to meet the lover were dashed; the planned vacation with my family had ended before it even began. Was there any logical explanation for this? What caused the delays? Why me? How do I explain to “the lover” that I couldn’t make the trip? And the questions kept pouring in with no answers in view.

The 7th week came fast and on the 28th of March, there was an update on the website that my Passport was ready for collection. My excitement levels had dropped, but it was 4 days since the carnival ended. If true love truly existed, then “the lover” might still be hanging around Cape Town. I picked up the parcel and quickly tore it open and folded in the passport was a letter I initially thought was an apology from the SA High Commission till I read its contents. It read:

“With reference to: YOUR APPLICATION FOR A VISITORS VISA. Please be informed that your application has been denied for the following reason(s): COPY OF VACCINATION CARD ATTACHED IS INVALID. If you intend re-applying please attach all the required documents.”

Something was definitely wrong. These guys must have mixed up my application with someone else’s.  Memory flashes of the day I was vaccinated replayed in my head. Is the SA High Commission trying to tell me all the pain I felt while the syringe pierced through my shoulder was not real? Do they mean the fact that I held out from screaming out in pain so I don’t look weak in front of the kids who came for immunization was all a lie? Do they mean all of this was imaginary? This can’t be happening. Are they saying that even a hospital with such reputation will issue an invalid Yellow Fever vaccination card?  With the Manufacturer and Batch Number of the vaccine boldly written on the card? Do they mean that I have faked the Yellow Card and the pain I went through for a chance to meet “the lover” was in vain? I had to draw up a plan. The deed has been done. If the SA High Commission can wrongly accuse a reputable Hospital of issuing an invalid yellow card, then it’s left to the Hospital to uphold its credibility and defend its reputation by challenging the High Commissions accusations.

But that didn’t happen.

I still have hopes for next year. True love never dies…..

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We all have a list of dos and don’ts. A list of what we want out of a relationship, what we want our future husbands/wives to be like. When you start to advance in age or the universe is taking its precious time in getting you where you’d hoped you’d be financially, you start to take stuff off that list. People around you start accusing you of being too picky and choosy so you take some more stuff off the list and before you know it you end up with a person that you have nothing in common with. The kick in the groin is the fact that most people don’t realize this until a few minutes/days/months after that amazingly expensive wedding and by then you can’t turn back; not just for religious reasons, but also because of the “what would people say” factor.

I recently met a girl whose marriage has just crumbled after 6months and it is amazing how she suddenly remembers all the things she overlooked that she normally wouldn’t have. Yes, some things on our lists really should be taken out e.g.: I wanna be with a guy who has a 6pack. Truth is nobody would have a 6pack forever. As a matter of fact when he is relaxed and starts getting a home cooked meal every night the 6pack will slowly start to fade away. Physical attributes that are sure to change with age should be taken off the list. Things like skin colour, height, eye shape and other weird fetishes can be on the list because they are not likely to fade.

Before you draw up your list, take a good look at yourself. Assess yourself fully and be certain that you have what it takes to attract the kind of man/woman you have described. You can’t be enormous and want a 32-year-old stud with muscles for days and owns his own very successful business and is a house owner in Parkview. Yes, it is possible for a +++ size female to attract a hot stud but over time I have come to discover that most times these dudes are scrubs. They either want you money or your daddy’s money (we will learn how to identify a scrub later). You want to attract a well-rounded stud? Research and find out the kind of girl they’d ordinarily go for and brush yourself up.

On a more serious note though, the part of our list that should under NO circumstance be stricken out is our character assessment column. Every man/woman knows how he or she wants to be treated. The moment you start compromising in that area, you are in for a shocker. A few items in my character assessment section include;

  • He should be very God-fearing.
  • Very family oriented.
  • He should be able to put me first sometimes.
  • I should be able to tell him ANYTHING honestly.
  • He should be able to make me smile.
  • He should be able to bend over backwards for my sake.

These are just a few. I came up with these items after studying my adult self. I realized that I always give 110% in relationships so I have to end up with someone who is willing to do the same or else I’m doomed. I care a lot about what  my partner thinks of me so I have to be certain he isn’t a judgmental person lest I spend the rest of my life TRYING to live up to his expectations. I am shamelessly in love with God and He will ALWAYS come first, how will a relationship with a non-religious person work?

You friends and family might think your list is stupid but it really isn’t. Assess yourself and then draw up a REALISTIC list to match your personality. Also take into consideration the negative things you can condone and the negative things about yourself you’d expect him to put up with. Eg: Arrogance is generally judged as negative, but I find it attractive. There is something very attractive about a man who people have to think hard before they approach (as long as I hold his mumu switch though). I have the natural patience to deal with arrogance; it’s both a blessing and a curse. On the other hand I’m a planner and I over analyze everything. Dating a planner is very frustrating. I plan everything down to the exact minute but that’s not the bad part…lmaoofff. The bad part is that when it doesn’t go according to my plan I throw a tantrum an I freak out… then I start analyzing every single detail, most times I’m correct but nobody wants to be told what they are thinking. Thus I need a patient man.

What I’m trying to say today is this; KNOW THY SELF. Only after you know who you are can you know who you want. Ladies and Gentlemen; draw up your list.


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  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, " matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌