theheartofmen

Miss Independent

Posted on: 20/06/2012

I’ve often wondered about that title and what exactly it means. Does it imply that for you to be independent you will remain a MISS? This assumption sounds silly but I think it’s a valid concern. About a year ago, a friend of mine tried to hook me up with a guy. He and I spoke for a while; the conversation never really seemed to flow as it should though. When eventually we met face to face these were his exact words to my friend “I think she’s a really pretty girl but she’s a bit too wise and independent for me”…GBAM!!!

So I ask, is being independent a blessing or a curse? The way I see it, it depends on the guy. A few days ago I was having a conversation with yet another friend and he said to me “The woman I marry has to be able to stimulate me mentally.” The way I interpret that is that the lady in question must have some level of world experience. By this I don’t mean she would have dated a bunch of guys o; even if I have spoken to a guy who said he won’t want to be a girl’s FIRST; but she should be wise enough to hold a conversation on almost any topic no matter how much she doesn’t care about that topic.

The older the guy the less he values independence. You would think that a mature man would want a girl who has done stuff for herself, has a good job, car(s), lives alone and all that; but what I have come to discover is that this set of blokes actually prefer women that might need to depend on them a little…maybe even a lot. When a man has made MONEY and he is approaching 40yrs on earth, he tends to feel that every woman is after his money. You would think that this would make him go for a woman who has made some paper of her own, but on the contrary he would much rather go for the seemingly naïve ones that appear not to know the first thing about spending money. Old men like control. They like to be able to tell their woman what they (the woman) want. Make decisions for them etc. This group doesn’t include the widowers and the divorced men o. I mean those ones that have been single for so long they have developed a complex.

Guys between the ages of 18 and 32 adore independent women. They themselves are still maturing as human beings so they’d rather be babied than baby anybody. The needier you are the more they avoid you. They detest drama. They are not into round the clock calls and showing up unannounced. They are the men that you need to pull out your Shakara package for because they honestly can’t stand desperation. Wow them with your vast knowledge of the world. I’m not referring to boasting about suspicious things like knowing so  much about hotels and knowing everything about the personal business of the high and mighty. Those traits most times scream RUNS so tuck them away. You don’t have to know about designers but it won’t hurt to know a thing or two about cars and sports. Even if you don’t know these things, it pays to come up with smart retorts rather than mope like a dundi. For example; I hate football so much and I don’t waste time in announcing that, but I can hold a conversation on it if I have to. I don’t know anything about Nigerian politics but I know a few things about human reasoning so I can apply it. Having a lot of money that is not proportional to your registered source of income doesn’t qualify you as a positively independent woman so don’t flaunt that either, it puts them off. Bottom line is, for y’all that like them young and feisty, you need to educate yourself. This group of dudes don’t appreciate the cooking and cleaning as much as they’ll appreciate you being able to win them in Mortal Kombat and give them reasons why you detest Jonathan’s administration that go beyond “he changed the name of Unilag”.

Personally, I like older men, but you see I’m unable to pretend to be dumb or dependent. Sure I need help with some intellectual stuff every now and then, but I don’t need the nursery level of help that these oldies seem to want to render in fact I sometimes end up teaching you a thing or two in the process of my learning, I also like being needed and I hate needing people. Thus I have decided that it’s time to start playing video games again and start watching the news. Let me try to make myself completely suitable for the young ones at least; but heaven knows there is NO WAY I will start watching football…lai lai.

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2 Responses to "Miss Independent"

You are so on point esp with older men and control, having said that, I think I prefer younger men, like between 32-35. Much more fun if u ask me and less complex and drama. Plus there’s opportunity for growth and accomplishments together.

Yes i agree, but only a handful of 35year olds are still “growing” and the ones that still are are suspect.

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  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, "...no matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌

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