theheartofmen

The right Time

Posted on: 11/06/2012

Last week wasn’t the best for me, with all the lives lost in the weekend’s disasters and a few personal setbacks of my own, permit me to say I’m glad that week is over and I’m back to my unexplainably excited self. When I started typing this post I had no idea what I wanted to talk about, but something just hit me; when is the right time to take certain steps in relationships? When is the right time to say you are in a relationship?

I asked this because I was recently in the middle of a conversation that involved this topic. The fact is that there is no hard and fast rule to relationships. There is no guarantee that if you follow certain steps you will wind up a happy Misses. A friend of mine once said to me “forget that your blog jo, all those methods don’t guarantee you a man” and I smiled and said “it might not guarantee you a man, but it will limit the tears if something goes wrong”. My blog does not assure you a successful relationship, I am not God, neither am I a well-read relationship guru, what it will help you with though is guarding your heart. Some people, men and women alike, bear it all too early and when it goes up in smoke they have nowhere to stand. While some also bottle up their emotions for too long. They start crying and lamenting and blaming everyone…lol… If you are a bit careful, at best you have a healthy successful relationship, at worst your heart will be protected.

Start every relationship with proper dating. Go on dates, to public places. Eat, dance, have drinks, watch movies. Basically put yourself in a position to have good conversations. One or two dates really aren’t enough to start having house calls. House calls create a cosy environment and most times it triggers emotions. At the beginning of a relationship you need a clear head. You need to be able to spot some flaws and determine which ones you can handle. You need to be able to dump him/her if you can spot those surface thing that assure you that your relationship with that particular person will not lead anywhere.  I can’t say I have always followed this analogy, but recent happenings have proven it very beneficial.

Be yourself from day one. Human beings tend to pretend just to win approval. This really doesn’t pay anybody. I’m not saying go and divulge your deepest secrets oh…God knows that’s proven to be an epic failure; be YOU. If you don’t like something done pretend, if you can’t do something don’t pretend either. I say this because what most people don’t realise is that the hard part is not telling the lie, it’s the follow-up. If you gain a person’s affections under false pretences at some point you are bound to get tired of acting, then what? Be yourself from day one, they either like it or they don’t, everybody mustn’t like you, that’s life.

Cuddling. This part eh…lol. Some people have no difficulty withholding sex and the likes, but they love to cuddle up in front of the TV and watch a movie or whatever. This is a killer. The moment you get to this stage your emotions start to work overtime. For the guys it might not necessarily apply though because it is a known fact that men are a lot more cautious in starting relationships than women. So my dear sisters, I know you think you have made major progress in your relationship when you are spooning in front of the tv with some light refreshments, but you really are not. At this point you might start to picture your lives together and what you are willing to give up to be with this man; but trust me, he is most likely thinking “when will it be ok to kiss her or try to feel her boobs?” lol. The cuddling is really for the woman’s benefit and maybe to soften you up enough for him to plant a kiss and sometimes more. Guard your heart at all times Ladies.

Show your feelings rather than tell it. Feelings are taken more seriously when shown. I can’t count the number of worthless “I love you’s” I have told people or received. Fact is if I care about you, whether I tell you or not you will know. This is how men seem to keep it together longer than women. So sisters learn, watch his actions and ignore what he says because some of these fellas don’t even realise the gravity of the words they utter sometimes. Learn not to hang on to every sweet word you hear and watch out for what he shows. A man can’t be telling you you’re the woman for him and yet can’t be bothered to take time out of his busy day to call or text you. Your man is too busy to text you but he doesn’t fail to update his facebook and bbm status? Even if he doesn’t do all of these, there is no such thing as being too busy to check on a girl you want to build something with. If a girl does it she is probably just forming or trying to guard her heart, if a man does it he probably doesn’t care as much as he claims to.

This list could go on forever as the world has changed so much that everyone is in a hurry and no one is really achieving anything. This “Women empowerment” is really messing up the natural order of things; I am even guilty of this. It’s never too late to take a step back though. Truth is that desperation shows and it’s very unattractive.

The killer of all this when you act like a wife when you haven’t even achieved ONLY girlfriend status. Acting like a wife when you are a mere girlfriend is bad enough o, but when you are not yet the official girlfriend it’s 10times worse.  Spending an entire weekend, cooking meals, washing clothes, waiting up for him to come home late at night with the table set.…all these coupled with the fact that you are probably having sex is a killer. If a man has already gotten all he wants from a wife from a girlfriend or two, please, tell me, what’s the motivation to marry her? I’m not saying this because I am a saint, I’m saying this because at some point in some lucky girl’s life, she sees the light and being as generous as I am, I have decided to share.

Honey, take a seat and let that dude run around you. Let him struggle to please you and win you approval. Let him woo you the way our fathers wooed our mothers. Buy you gifts, take you to nice places and stay up at night wondering the meaning of that look you gave him from across the table when his phone rang. Don’t change your schedule for him; let him build his schedule around yours, at least for a few months. Trust me; this is the only chance you have to be treated like that because once you become a wife and mother, your shakara don end.

Have a blessed week.

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  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, "...no matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌

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