theheartofmen

Archive for March 2012

Hi my beloved heart of men readers. I have decided to give this blog an entirely new twist. I have decided to publish 1 personal bad relationship story a week. It could be your present relationship or it could be one from the past. I’m sure by now you realise that i don’t favour any gender so i will be accepting stories and questions from both genders. Please make it as anonymous as possible and i promise to not only reply you asap, I’ll also give our readers the chance to give their opinions on how you can make your love life better. The first story will go up on Monday (2nd April) and I can barely contain my excitement. Enjoy the rest of your week.

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Someone sent me this article and i think we should use this to replace this week’s write-up. A lot of women endure a lot in their homes and i fail to see why. Like this article says, if this helps at least 1 girl that it would have done its job. Please click on “My Story” and read.

http://www.ogorip.com

Every woman has heard the phrase “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, while for some men that could open the door, it isn’t necessarily what keeps you there. What keeps you in a man’s heart is what you do after you have proven your culinary skills. What is that thing you can do that you man can’t get elsewhere? That one thing that when he remembers it in the middle of the day it makes him smile. Think hard, you have it. It doesn’t have to be anything big. For example, someone once said “I love my girlfriend; she doesn’t allow herself to be forgotten.” I went ahead to ask him what that special thing she does is, and he explained how he always woke up to a text message making sure he had a good night’s rest and wishing him a blessed day. She’d call him at lunch time to be sure of EXACTLY what he ate and then at night they talk on phone at length about each other’s day.

It’s not about being in his face all the time; it’s about doing those little things that are usually neglected. Even little things like helping him pick out his outfits. The way women get tired of having to think of everything themselves it’s the same way the men crave a women who can pamper them without being pests. He’s watching a football match on a Sunday evening and screaming his head off with each goal, rather than sit around and complain about the noise, sit in a corner, looking subtly sexy and pretend read a book…I don’t know the outcome of that but I think it’s worth a try.

For the married ones, no matter how unkempt a man is, he always appreciates a clean home, well cooked meal and most of all nice neat looking kids. There is nothing as irritating as coming home after a long hard day to pandemonium. Filthy kids bouncing off walls, you are yet to start dinner. Makes a man wanna stay out longer. For women that work it’s a little bit more difficult but it makes him appreciate you more when you can pull it off. Cook on the weekends and store. Get home, pop something in the microwave and attend to your kids while you are doing that. Glance round and make sure the house is neat and smells nice. Let dinner be ready and waiting when he gets back or at least let him not have to wait long. That way while he’s catching up with the kids you are serving. I know you are probably exhausted but you can sleep after your job is done. Always remember that you first responsibility is being a knock out wife and mother. Everything else is secondary.

New wives please remember that the ring doesn’t signify that you should change your methods. If nothing else you need to improve on them. Try to exercise more, make sure you are always groomed. A friend of mine said a few nights ago, marriage is not an excuse to resurrect your hair net…lol. All in all don’t let the caring stop because you got the man, that’s where the other woman has a leg up on wives. The other woman knows that she has to work to maintain her position as number 2 because it is constantly being threatened by other hawks, so she takes amazing care of herself. Good hair and nails, clean home, lovely dress sense. She always finds new ways to make him wish he had picked her so you should always find new ways to make him realise he made the best decision by picking you instead. By caring for yourself you are caring for your man.

Go out of your way to make him comfortable. With this new women empowerment craze, most women are forgetting their primary responsibilities. Personally I think eating dinner is very bad for you unless you’re having salad or fruits; but I have no intention of starving my husband just because I have the eating habit of a bird. I don’t advice you to encourage him to keep eating “swallow” for dinner, but you shouldn’t starve him because you are trying to force him to watch his weight or because you are lazy.

Another thing is cooking. It is very important for a man to see his wife cooking or know that she made that food he is eating. I don’t understand this need young brides have for chefs. How hard can it possible be to make a meal for 2?

Last but certainly not least, love his family. Nothing gets to a man’s heart like a woman who loves his family no matter how dysfunctional they may be. You don’t have to be stupid but you should be diplomatic in resolving disputes if any. Treat his mother like you would treat your own and love his sisters even if most times you might want to run them over with a car.

Relationships are not easy at all, but we strive to make them less difficult.

Everyone has a weakness. It would either draw people to you or drive people from you. The most important thing is to know your weakness so you can either learn to tuck it away or use it to your advantage. If you think you don’t have a weakness, that right there is your weakness.

I personally have a list of weaknesses which I have been fortunate enough to identify with age. In fact just last week I identified a new one. Apart from having this desire (maybe disillusion) that every dude that has passed through my life is secretly regretting not trying harder to stick around, I also discovered that I have the gift of making men fall for me. Before you start rolling your eyes and saying “pompous much”, it’s a bad weakness because I go out of my way and even do and say things I don’t mean just to see if it’ll work. I find it extremely frustrating because I can’t seem to use it on people I actually give a shit about so I just end up practicing on people I don’t care for and then I end up with this long line of baggage (which I have recently cleared by the way). If I can acknowledge this weakness about myself I’m sure you can start to identify yours.

For some ladies (most ladies), they build-up the relationship in their heads and before they know it, the subconscious bubbles to the surface thus freaking the guy out. It’s a known fact that men freak out when a girl pushes too hard, why then do we keep doing it? I can’t stress it enough, YOU CAN’T MARRY EVERY GUY YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO. Chances are you’d even walk past your husband and not take a second look because most times we don’t end up with “our type”. So take your time and enjoy whatever time you and that new dude have or walk away and allow your friends who have to listen to your dreams rest.

Some other women are bitches. That’s all they know how to be, ill-mannered bitches. Being a bitch keeps your heart very protected because no right thinking dude is gonna wanna touch it. Try shutting up and listening rather than incessantly dictating to the poor man what you can and cannot take unless you are willing to “take” ending up an old maid. Being a bitch might get you a lot of female friends who wish they had your guts, but it won’t keep a man. Personally I’m a 1st class bitch. Not something I’m proud of but I can proudly say I am very capable of turning it off…are you? I am almost never a bitch to guys but to girls?..lol…that’s a story for another day. Bottom line is there is nothing to be gained from being nasty to a guy especially when you know deep down you like him. It doesn’t give you the power you think it does.

Some women are push overs. Nobody likes a pushover, they are extremely boring. In your desperation to keep a man you become a mumu. My dear sister, imagine how stupid you will feel when he leaves you for that other girl that doesn’t seem like “wife material” to you. You should learn to not be so agreeable all the time it really isn’t a good look on anyone both male and female.

This brings me to the supposed “wife material” na una dey always carry last oh. You cook, clean, keep yourself for him, try to look nice and homely, say all the things you think he wants you to say, pretend to like the things he likes, you teach yourself to be almost like him or his mum or whatever perverted idea you have at that time. The question I have for you is this; how long can you keep up the pretence? It’s very hard work o. Here’s an idea, be a better version of you. If you hate soccer like me, say you hate soccer but don’t make a fuss because you came over to spend time with him and he’s watching soccer and not you. Personally I’m ok with just being in the same airspace as the man I love, I don’t care if he’s watching football or watching me sleep. It’s not like he does it every time.

Bottom line is we all have issues…I have shamelessly identified only a few of mine but the most important thing is I am well aware of these issues and more than willing to work on them…what about you? Who knows maybe that’s why you are perpetually single or stuck in meaningless relationships…I guess what I’m driving at is the fact that most times failed relationships are our fault. We have more control over the way our relationships play out than we know, from the type of guys we attract to ourselves to the method we adopt in handling these relationships. Take time off like I recently have, clean out your closet and work on yourself, in no time you’ll be happy again, with or without a new man.

When I was 17years old and I had my first relationship I had this basic impression that once you were good to a person, you loved them, treated them well, didn’t cheat that they would repay you the same way……….boy was I wrong. I carried on with this thinking until I experienced what it felt like to be cheated on by a person you were good to. It’s a hellish feeling. Everything that happened between then and now I refuse to document…lol…but I wanna know how different people view cheating.

Guys think it’s inexcusable for a lady to cheat and ladies most times expect the guy to cheat. I think it makes it easier to deal with in the end when you saw the scandal coming from day one. What I will never be able to understand is married women cheating, and not just cheating, but cheating with multiple partners? What’s that about? Ok, let us assume by some ill stroke of faith you fall out of love with your husband, assuming you ever loved him, and then you fall in love with some sexy stranger outside and you make up your mind that you must absolutely have the dude. At what point do you decide that one extra marital affair is not enough? It’s bad enough that this woman finds time outside her husband and kids to chase after a young man who she probably gives pocket-money; but when there are many of these men its alarming.

Previously on this blog I’ve talked about how sex is more emotional to women than men unless the woman is a wh**e. So using simple logic, how possible is it for a person to be attached to so many men at the same time? So Madam, if you are not shagging all those men because you have feelings for them that makes you a nympho doesn’t it?

To be frank, I need some help here, because it becomes more obvious to me daily that our generation might be the one to end the world. Our sense of right and wrong is extremely off. Sex is now a sport, marriages have become fashion. In the days of old it was a thing of shame to have lost your virginity before marriage, these days to be a virgin at 18 seems almost impossible. The most annoying part is that even the ones that manage to marry as virgins are on the streets 2years after seeking the experience they didn’t get in their youth. This whole “women empowerment” this is getting old. I’m a relatively independent woman but I still want a man to take care of me and see to my needs so I have to know when to drop the act. You can’t be shagging a man for money or sexual satisfaction and demanding to be empowered. If you know you want the power STOP needing men. Don’t get married at all. Get a job, make money, adopt a baby and be happy. Don’t marry a man, chop his money, have his babies and wake up one day and remember that it’s your body and you can do what you like with it. That’s rubbish. Pick a side and stick to it. I’m all for being treated like an egg, being adored and pampered o so I’m willing to bend where necessary. Whether we are willing to accept it or not it’s a man’s world.

So my dear Madam, if you like, wipe your neighbourhood clean with your waist na you sabbi. You have kids already so if your hubby kicks you out YOU have EVERYTHING to lose. If you decide to get married, put your head down and stick it out or get a divorce if you can’t.

Have a fab week.



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  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, "...no matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌

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