theheartofmen

The “other woman”

Posted on: 13/02/2012

Last night a friend sent me a bb message, which had been broadcasted to her. It was talking to wives and wives in the making. It felt like the writer had burrowed into my mind and stolen some of my thoughts. One of them being; “A man who’s madly in love with one woman can still have sex with other women but still love his ‘woman’.” I’ve had this argument countless times with girls and on this blog. I’m not saying its ok to cheat on a woman you love, but I’m saying its wiser to realise that this could happen rather than looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses because one day those glasses will definitely break and then you will be torpedoed into a world of such great confusion it will take you years to recover. I’m not saying I’d be ok with it if I discovered that my man was cheating, but I’m saying that I’d definitely not go out of my way to find out. Once upon a time I used to tell my friends I’d like to know if my man was cheating and made them promise to tell me. Today, I am publicly stating that as long as that man is GOOD to me, loves me, wants to marry me and is clearly just using this lady (ies) for sex, I DO NOT want to know. Think about it; if you are neither willing nor ready to end your relationship why would you keep digging around? And those friends that are fond of catching people’s partners in the act na wah for una oh!!!! Sometimes it’s smarter to look the other way, maybe you can have a talk with the culprit (if you guys are that close) but if you spill the beans, chances are the relationship won’t end anyway so why on earth will be put yourself in that position?

We know how it feels to be the girlfriend or wife or partner, but how many people know what it feels like to be the “other woman”. Not the one that is being used for sex, that one no follow, I mean the one that the man actually loves but didn’t end up marrying. Wives and girlfriends you might want to stop reading here because you guys might not like us sympathising with them. Truth is that these ladies have their own pains too. Some of them actually met these men before they found their wives; some met them when they were already engaged while others met them after they are married. Either way, for the sake of this article, the other woman refers to that posh, clean respectable babe that your husband loves but had to marry you instead for various reasons eg: Tribe, Family background, Blood Genotype, pregnancy, you dated your husband for 10 years and he was obligated to marry you…lol. You see this woman has found the love of her life and has to deal with the fact that she will always have to share him and be in second place. It’s not a good way to live. Some of them become the man’s second family. They live in another country or state sometimes. They have kids, your husband secretly pays their bills and they have to explain to their family and friends the weird kind of life they lead. They are never truly happy but they would rather die than opt for another man. Along the way some of them get wise and marry someone else. They never tell anybody about the man who will always have their heart. The man who sat in the corner at their wedding and always stares at them in church but never says a word. The life of the “other woman” is very painful because she never gets to have what she really wants while the man gets what he wants and more.

Your man’s mistress or concubine is most times not interested in you or your home. She has already seen your pictures and those of your kids via your hubby’s phone….but sometimes wives leave their husbands, or die, or cheat or find out about the “other woman”, tries to argue about it and gets kicked out…I’ve seen that last one happen over and over. Someone once said on TV, “I’d rather be the woman you cheat with than the woman you cheat on.” I really can’t comment on that because both parties have a lot to lose. I guess in the end the point of this article is;

a) If you are a wife or a girlfriend or whatever, and you find out your man is spending QUALITY time with another woman not a group of women, do your research before you start fighting him, you might just be giving him the excuse he’s been looking for to leave you and be truly happy.

 b) Men, it’s always better to get to right the first time. Just because a woman stays with you even after you are married doesn’t make it fair to her and it isn’t fair to you either. How can you spend the rest of your life loving two women? The worst part is, the moment you commit to the wrong one you realise how wrong your decision was. Forget family and sometimes genotype (if the love is strong enough), and be with the woman you really love because life is too short. Would you rather spend your last 10minutes with the love of your life or spend them missing her and wishing she were beside you?

 c) Dear “other woman”, it really doesn’t matter how many times you tell yourself that love is all that matters and that because you love him what you are doing isn’t wrong because you are lying to yourself. Apart from the bible’s stand on adultery, put yourselves in the wife’s shoes. You’d probably skin her alive if the roles were reversed. I know what it feels like to lose the love of your life to another woman so I sympathise, but u really have no right to do what you are doing. It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to your kids and it’s really a no win situation for you. So take the high road, cut the fella off and rebuild yourself. Another man will find you, and even if he doesn’t its ok because you will figure out another way to be happy without those guilty feelings you have.

 Look at it this way, if you really meant that much to this bloke he would NEVER have married anyone else in the first place.

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1 Response to "The “other woman”"

Hmmm…. Not sure how to reply to this. But I’ve decided not to go searching for the “other woman” cos I think it’s degrading for me to know or exchange words with my husband’s sex toys if he has any. Besided the girl is not even the guilty party. She’s not the one cheating. HE is cheating and HE is the adulterer. But still, I have no pity for the “other woman” cos she chose to put herself in that position and can choose to get out of it if she wishes.

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  • None
  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, "...no matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌

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