Is it just SEX?

Posted on: 06/02/2012

When we were younger, guys used to ask us specifically “will you be my girlfriend?” and when we said yes it meant yes and when we said we’d think about it we probably meant NO…lol. As time goes on it’s becoming a little bit more difficult to know if you are exclusively dating a guy or a girl, in fact its bother line confusing. I can honestly tell you that in the past 5years no man has told me he wants to be my boyfriend they just keep implying it and expecting me to understand. The way I see it, these men are keeping the door open, they want to be able to run out at the slightest hiccup. What the hell is wrong with a little, plainly spoken commitment? We’re not saying marry the girl, but at least give her the right to tear you limb from limb if she catches you with someone else…lol.

The way most relationships go these days is this (apart from the ones that have lasted for years); boy meets girl, boy asks girl out on a date, a constant stream of phone conversations follow, then a few more dates, then a couple of visits to each other’s houses, kissing, making out, compliments, sex, the girl thinks she is in a relationship and at this point maybe she is or maybe she is just having sex. What most people wanna know is; how do you know when it’s a relationship and not just sex?

1)    What do you guys do when you are alone? Does he find it easy to sit and chat with you for hours at a time? You talk about everything under the sun. You both can spend a day together and not have sex but still have lots of fun. You are very likely in a relationship but then again you could be “friends with benefits”.

2)    Have you met his family? Most guys hold their mother very dear, their fathers could be their buddies and the siblings are almost always partners in crime. But when a dude introduces you to his mum, then you are on the right track. I’m not saying you should go and fool yourself and become her bff oh!!! That will not help your case so just play it cool.

3)    How does he introduce you to his friends? I’m yet to meet a guy that will introduce a girl to his friends as “my girl” when he doesn’t mean it. Usually you are “my friend” and they make it sound like you are a special friend meanwhile nothing gum… Men, very much like women, like to mark their territory. If I took a guy that was obviously my boyfriend to a gathering where we meet my female friends….I MUST specify who he is to me oh!!! I don’t want to hear “had I known”. Same rule applies to men. So the way he introduces you to the guys is very important.

4)    How does he act in public? I once went to a gathering and bumped into an old toaster that clearly wasn’t my boyfriend; the entire time this guy was forming “gum body” with me o, trying to mark territory, but what I noticed was that his markings were more sexual than loving. Sexual is bolder, touching your thighs (abi na rubbing sef), your waist, kissing your neck…’d wanna remove him with a crowbar. Loving is more like looking in your eyes across the room, pecking you as he passes by, the forgotten hand on your thigh(that’s also a sign that 2 people have shagged or made out) even when he isn’t near you, you feel him staring at you from afar. You feel safe.

5)    There is no such thing as “baby just because I don’t call you often doesn’t mean I don’t care.” When a man loves you he will call you/text you/ping you etc no matter how busy he is. There is ALWAYS time for the person you love because every time spent apart kills you especially if the relationship is new. Don’t let them deceive you oh….and guys too, women are naturally possessive and clingy, if that woman, despite the fact that you have shagged, doesn’t call you often you need to be weary because she is either playing mind games or she no send you like that, you might just be a contender.

I guess what this all comes down to in the end is that sometimes my dear it’s JUST SEX. Try to listen past the sweet words he whispers to you on those odd days that you do talk, the romantic gestures he makes behind closed doors and the fact that his siblings are on your blackberry. Asking him most times won’t help either because only a small percentage of human beings are really honest. The easiest test is to try taking a walk…see the extent he is willing to go to get you back…then you can decide. Keep in mind that nothing here is airtight. Sometimes just sex ends up in a very happy marriage, but it pays to know what you are involved in.


2 Responses to "Is it just SEX?"

Ehmm… I believe a lot of girls will take the flee option if a guy comes at them so directly. They will say the guy is moving too fast and blah blah blah.. But you do have a point, the thing is, everyone nowadays either tries to play safe or just have fun..

I met these guy before we started dating we almost had sex , now we are dating he’s been asking for sex we broke up now we reconciled again he said he loves me , and always tells me the truth , he talks about his ex relationships and family , he’s very clingy and jealous of any guy am friends with. Please I want your opinion mainly guys. Is he pretending or he loves me for real. My email. Folakeadeoye

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  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, " matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌


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