theheartofmen

Archive for January 2012

Lies

Posted on: 30/01/2012

Lies….everyone lies, whether you admit it or not at some point we all tell lies even to ourselves. There are the lies we tell to get out of a sticky situation, there are the ones we tell to hide our shame and there are those we just tell because we can. Personally I detest lies; they mostly don’t make sense to me. But in all fairness I always lied to my parents when I was a kid, in fact I still do. That’s perfectly normal but what I don’t get is those people who just open their mouths and spit out lies. Truth of the matter is that if certain information is not required from you and you start giving it to me I automatically assume you are lying.

You see me first thing in the morning, I’m thinking of the cheapest way to get to work and you say “Nne the money I spent on these shoes eh”…seriously? How does that come into play in that situation? You’re probably lying…lol. What I’m trying to say is, when a person starts to VOLUNTEER information especially when it’s totally out of context look closer. You call up your friend and ask to meet up for drinks or a movie, if the person is indisposed it really is ok for them to say so…why will they say “I’m at work” or “running errands” when they are really with a dude they are trying to keep a secret? It just seems like a lot of work. A much better answer will be “Sorry I’m already out with a friend” if they ask to know the friend you politely tell them it’s not anyone they know. Much safer answer. Why say you are home when you are not? 

Another thing is lying to you partner. Some lies are necessary “Babe how many guys have you been with?” “3”…lol…more like 30… Even if that guy deserves to be lied to, since I don’t know what a girl’s past has to do with her present and future, I’d much rather you said “that’s a very unnecessary question” and stick to that reply…e no concern am because I’m sure he doesn’t even remember how many girls he has been with. I know a lot of guys will crucify me for this part but to be frank, if the girl is treating you right, she isn’t cheating and doesn’t look like she is about to, why worry your head with questions that you might not like the answers to? Sometimes it’s ok to just let the past be. Personally I’m not a fan of asking too many questions or being questioned because I don’t like to be lied to.

People often say;”It is more advisable to be with someone who loves you than someone you love”. I’d love to believe this statement is true but I can’t help but wonder if this is responsible for some of the extra marital affairs we observe. Apart from the people who are obviously nymphos and dogs that can’t seem to be satisfied, ask yourself this “if you had what you dreamed of and prayed for in one human being, would you still want to be with another? My answer is NO. We cheat because we are not satisfied. It could be sexual it could be emotional. A man or woman could love you like you never knew was possible and no matter what they do you might not be able to match that love. You might love them but you might not be able to match their level of love. This naturally would leave you wanting. There comes a time in a person’s life when you no longer just want to be loved, but you want to love in return. For some women they are lucky to be able to channel the love towards their kids and they see their husband as more of a best friend. They no longer NEED to love someone because they already have an outlet for the love.

For some it’s not so easy their heart continues to search for its mate until they begin to wither away. Because it is more natural for men to be unfaithful, they naturally find an outlet. Some have a steady girlfriend for years outside their homes while some change girls…still searching.

I know this theory sounds weird but it’s really true. Last night I realised that I honestly could not marry for money. Don’t get me wrong, I love money as much as any other red-blooded human being, but I love LOVE more. It’s a wonderful feeling when you have someone who completes you. When all you have to do is remember his or her name and you start smiling. The thought of this person gets you through a hard day.

I know my 2 last articles have been very love oriented….lol…contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t mean that I have recently fallen in love oh!!

For a while I took my eye off the ball and almost joined the “let’s get hooked” trend; but I have woken up again and I have been reminded of what the basic ingredient of a successful marriage is…..LOVE. Not money, family name, tribe, genotype or any of that crap. If you truly love your spouse and he/she loves you just as much, you can go through ANYTHING life throws at you, and trust me…life will surely throw a lot at you.

Love

Posted on: 17/01/2012

When I was younger I always heard in movies and read in books that you can’t choose who you love and I always thought it was utter rubbish. Why can’t you choose? I was determined to disprove this theory so I devised a method. I’d meet a guy that suited my ideal profile, I’d force myself to obsess about him for a long time, then I’d convince myself I was in love…lol….this sound silly but it worked…

As I got older, and dated a guy that was miles away from my stencil I realised the difference between LUV and LOVE. Love NEVER dies. If you really loved a person at one time you will always love them you will always be ready to go to the ends of the earth for them no matter what. You will forgive them anything. Take time to think deep down. The men/women in your life that you truly loved are your friends today or will be your friends tomorrow. You will always feel that sting of jealousy when they tell you about the new ladies/dudes they are seeing. You will always try to find some way to convince yourself that he is settling for her even if you know the truth. You may be mature enough to be polite to their wives but you will never be friends with them. When things go wrong with you, you have no qualms about telling them about it because deep down you know they love you too and they know you well enough to give to you good advice.

Many times we are infatuated and we fancy ourselves in love. We don’t even know the man’s flaws and we dream of a home with him. Honey, when you look into that man’s eyes and you KNOW that there is nothing he can do to turn your heart against him permanently, then you have arrived. You don’t always date who you love or love who you date. Some people have never loved and some have sworn off love but as I approach 30, I realise that “you have never lived until you have loved”, and you certainly can’t choose whom you love. A while back I told a friend I’d rather have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. At the time of you losing it seems like the world is about to end. But when love is real and pure, there comes a time when the memory of that person comes with a smile, whether they left you for someone else, it just didn’t work out or they died. True love doesn’t leave you with fantasies of hurting that person. You find out that you want he or she to find happiness where ever they find themselves. No matter how much it hurts to watch them leave, you are just grateful and thankful for the time you did have.

This is dedicated to all those who have loved and lost….i know i have…lol

Ladies Ladies Ladies, I know at some point we’ve all hated the idea of flowers, poetry, showing up on our door step unannounced and most especially a singing boyfriend. Some mushy mushy girls might like it sha and some kpako girls might claim to like it cos it makes them feel posh.

But have you ever noticed how much you appreciate a romantic gesture, no matter how little, from a guy you are actually into? Even if he writes gibberish and says it’s a song you’ll be his number one fan, especially at the beginning of the relationship. My first boyfriend loved to think he was a rapper….when the relationship was about to hit he rocks I swear I had fantasies about shooting him in the head anytime he tried to rap. It was horrid…lol.

Some girls get really pissed when a guy asks where they are or where they’ve been (I’m guilty of that too), but the moment they are in love with a dude they think it’s “adorable” that he’s so insecure and jealous. I guess my point is…it doesn’t matter what a guy’s vice is, there is always a girl who would think that vice is silly but adorable. We’ve made excuses for liars, braggers, men who don’t keep appointments, men who want to hide us from their families, men who leave us and marry someone else…the list is endless. In essence, it’s not really safe to say what you can and can’t tolerate until you have actually left a guy you love because of that particular vice.

Don’t get me wrong, there are basic things we can’t stand, example, I don’t like guys that sweat a lot, I hate the sight of “man sweat” let alone the feel of it, so naturally I wouldn’t even come close enough to like that dude…but when a girl says she can’t marry a shorter guy, she might just decide to have him as a friend, because being short is not something he can work on really so she gets to know him as a person and in the absence of anything or anyone else could find herself in love, some go for a “not so hot” looking guy, or a thrifty guy, a mommy’s boy, a gigolo, a cry baby….these are things that could be overlooked.

What I’m getting at is this, it would be wise for us single ladies to begin to educate ourselves on the vices we know we can work with because some of us actually are too picky. Have u checked yourself? Do you know that there might be something about you that is extremely irritating? Just because guys put up with it doesn’t suddenly make you the “bomb diggity”. Nobody is perfect. I might not date a heavy sweater but I’d date a shorter guy…Think am.

Happy new year my darlings. I trust we all had an amazing holiday (I know I did).

I’m sure a lot of us started the year with resolutions, things we found ourselves doing last year that we want to discontinue this year, habits we’d like to take up this year. Off the top of my head I can tell you some; lose weight, save more, fall in love, stop sleeping around, get closer to God, have more time for my family etc. The list could be endless but how many of these resolutions do we actually carry out? Most people do relatively well in the first quarter of the year then decide it’s not worth the hassle. I find resolutions hilarious. If you don’t like something change it, you don’t have to broadcast it to a world that couldn’t care less. You have them up on Facebook, twitter, blackberry …seriously? If I wanted to lose weight I’d just go ahead and start to lose weight I wouldn’t tell the entire cyber world.

Any way boys and girls I think there’s a resolution we all need to try this year “Faithfulness”. As you advance it age and remain unwed, it becomes a lot more difficult to stay faithful. We always try not to put all our eggs in one basket for fear that the basket might break. But I think it’s a lot of stress maintaining so many baskets, lying and sneaking around; so ladies and gents it’s time to be faithful to that ONE person. The year has just begun so pick 1 person and stick to your decision…I know I did. Work hard at making that relationship work and see how far it goes.

Guys, it’s not cool when you don’t show it when you’re jealous or when you don’t keep tabs on your girl. I’m not saying you should go crazy and tail her, but its sweet when you wanna know who they’re hanging out with and what time they got home the previous night. You don’t have to make it routine  but a little jealousy and concern goes a long way in reducing the number of baskets a girl has.

For the girls it’s a bit different. Yes guys love it when you show jealousy too but girls have a way of going overboard with things without even trying hard….lol.

So rather than say “where have you been all day?” try saying “how did day go baby?” and when he says “good”, while you act like you are doing something else, ask subtle questions about work, friends or even school as the case may be. This way he doesn’t feel attacked or interrogated. Some readers feel I have double standards and I excuse some things for men and I don’t for women. Well unfortunately the world of a man is different from that of a woman we don’t reason the same way and so want address issues from the same angle.

That’s just 1 way of working harder at making that chosen relationship work for you. Next week we’ll address the advantages and disadvantages if getting to know each other’s family. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

 



  • None
  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, "...no matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌

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