theheartofmen

Archive for September 2011

1)      Why is it that when relationships come to an end, no matter how mutual the ending was, it only takes a matter of weeks for the parties to forget all the good they supposedly shared? But the negative parts stay with them the rest of their lives?

2)      Why is it that girls are often the 1st to say “I love you” but always find it the easiest to love again?

3)      Why is it that guys think, just because they love a girl, the relationship has to work?

4)      When is the RIGHT time to walk away and be sure never to look back?

5)      Why is it most difficult to apply common sense to our own lives?

6)      What is the relationship between height and inferiority complex?

7)      Who came up with the “Okafor’s law”?

8)      Why do young girls suddenly discover God when they are married? Let me rephrase that…Why is it that once a girl is married she wants the world to think she has discovered God?

9)      Why is it that when a guy says “my speck” he is referring to the physical but when a girl says it she is referring to a guy’s character?

10)   Do you realise that the expensive hair/nails/clothes/shoes and bags we adorn ourselves with are mainly just to intimidate or impress our fellow girls? Most guys can’t tell the difference between Prada and Primark…and the few that can tell the difference can probably afford to change your Primark to a Prada anyway…

11)   Why do most girls choose expensive bags and jewellery over trendy and smart-looking clothes?

12)   Why is it that, even as the world is changing, and women are becoming more empowered every day, the idea of LOVE still turns on EVERY red-blooded woman’s mumu switch?

13)   A girl, who probably knows all the positions in the Kama sutra, lies to a dude that she only knows “mummy and daddy” and he’s overjoyed by the opportunity to furnish her with his broad knowledge of all things carnal…he doesn’t even realise when she starts pulling stunts he definitely didn’t teach her…lmao…why o why?

14)   Young love (ages 16-21) is the most dangerous of all…FACT

15)   Why do women tend to stick to the man who shoots them down?

16)   Why is it that 1ce a woman helps clean out a man, and he realises his potential, he suddenly feels he is too good for her? Lmao

17)   Why the hell did there have to be a Judas? Now whether we like it or not there is always a hidden betrayer…and he is usually the 1st to greet us with a kiss….

18)   All men say “I want a girl who can cook, clean, pamper me silly, hold down a job, hold down a good current affairs/sports conversation etc” but the moment they meet that girl, they toy with her. Why?

19)   Why is it called a favour is you expect something in return, and why do you expect a girl to say “thank you” when she had to “spend the night” before u gave her pocket-money?

20)   What exactly is SEX? Where does Foreplay stop and sex start? Are they the same?

21)   Finally why have I chosen to use my evening to write down these questions that I honestly don’t care about the answers to?

Truth is, there is some1 for every1…if only u take a closer look…tall dark and handsome seldom goes for tall, light-skinned and modelesque…25 year old girls rarely catch the eyes on 28-year-old boys. There might be the initial attraction but no staying power….the world is changing.. The football captain is marrying the Nerd and not the Home coming queen. The Home coming queen is either marrying the Band geek turned billionaire, having a baby @ home or she just doesn’t care. As for me? I’m going to marry the Reformed bad boy…the 1 that was always in trouble (not with olopa oh) and he’s gonna have funny childhood stories for me every week

 

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Ladies ladies ladies…..don’t we just love to keep on trashing the men like we are perfect and without fault….My sisters we all have our own faults oh, but I just want to hammer on one for today that I know most of us are guilty of.

We like to pride ourselves in having the “gift of goodbye”, when in reality it only seems like we have that gift because the nigga don’t want us anymore…..yes I said it… I’m not talking about the ones we dumped…because we never really loved those ones, we don’t dump men that we love no matter what. We loved the ones that dumped us…and those are the ones we never let go of in our hearts. Now, I don’t have a problem with dreaming about “the one that got away”, but I have a HUGE problem (and I’m sure the dudes agree) with carrying over the drama. When your relationships start to follow the same pattern, unless your problem is spiritual, it’s your own damn fault….yes I went there.

DON’T bring the drama of you old relationship into the new one. DON’T talk about your ex around your man DON’T even think about him because thinking may lead to talking which is the 1st DON’T. He left you…yes we know it’s his loss but can you let it go already? What even annoys me the most is when the babe finally sees a good man(which is hard enough to find) and her ex comes knocking she quickly follows him(the ex)….what’s that about? No honey no matter what you tell yourself that doesn’t mean you have won…it means you are stupid….UNLESS he broke up with you respectfully for something you did wrong…and even then why are you going back to a man who DUMPED all that candy? Even if the man ends up marrying you there will come a day when you tell yourself “I shouldn’t have come back to this dude”….maybe by then you’d have twin sons that look just like their father kicking you from each side.

My point is….PLEASE leave “the one that got away” alone….If a man dumps you swallow your pride and move on…the theory of “my exs always come back” is bull because 9 out of 10 times they are coming for the candy and not your heart.

If you doubt me ask your brother/father…. They are only men that will tell you the truth every single time.

WHAT IS CLASSIFIED AS CHEATING?

It would interest you to know that both men and women have different definitions of cheating; but then again the battle of the sexes exists in all aspects of life.

Cheating on someone who has given their heart to you hurts that person deeply no matter what the definition of cheating is. I personally see cheating as anything you do that you are afraid/ashamed to let your partner know. But that’s my personal opinion.

In the relationship aspect (which is why we are here really) let’s try to decipher and explain what both men and women see as cheating.

MEN: It is not a secret that men find it more difficult to commit emotionally than women. For most men, sleeping with you doesn’t define you as a couple, in fact you are not officially a couple until the man says so. Until then you are a really good friends. This is because men commit harder than women, while a man’s eyes and body may stray, his heart rarely does. If your man’s heart strays from you, you must’ve done something terribly wrong. He might not say “I love you” 10times a day like us girls, but when he does say it he means it. So what is cheating to a man? It is when the women they are with has SEXUAL INTERCOURSE with another man. When their “property” has been tampered with. The moment their woman has been touched by another man she has been soiled and it takes a great sense of maturity and an amazing level of Christianity to get passed that feeling and to erase the mental picture. To be honest most men never really forgive, they learn to live with it. Some end up dividing their emotions and if the woman is lucky he divides it between her and work and not another woman. Every wise man knows that when your lady says “it didn’t mean anything” it’s a HUGE lie because a woman will never risk her relationship for “it didn’t mean anything” (unless she’s a nympho)

WOMEN: Almost all women are emotionally “easy”. What men don’t realize is that the challenge isn’t getting a woman to love you, it is keeping her in love with you. The fact that a woman stays faithful to her man doesn’t necessarily imply that she loves him, but definitely implies that she respects him. To most women, the relationship starts the moment you have your first kiss. The average woman doesn’t just go around kissing and chilling with men just because she is attracted to them, there is always some form of connection. Women need to connect with you emotionally before they can get close physically. They must not love you but they must be able to get along with you, have reasonable conversations etc. Women are always in a hurry to profess love but it doesn’t take them long to commit to another man with the same intensity. While the man might be treating women like shit for years because one woman hurt him, that woman is married with 10kids and loving it. So what is cheating to a woman? It is the moment her man starts connecting emotionally with another woman. The moment he takes his time to call/text/visit another woman. The moment he starts buying gifts. In fact it’s even more painful if you find out that the man hasn’t slept with her yet and isn’t in a hurry. This is because we are aware of how hard it is for a man to commit emotionally. So when we see signs of that we get aggressive. A 1 night stand is bad because of disease and unwanted pregnancy, but when he is cheating on you with just 1 girl, you and your relationship are in trouble.

In conclusion, while the man can choose to ignore male phone calls and the occasional toaster, sex with another man is a deal breaker for them; and while a woman can ignore monthly one night stands(though rarely), the phone calls and gift buying for other women is the deal breaker.

Before I forget, for those women that think it is wise to confess to your man after you have cheated because you believe it’s good to have a clean slate, I put it to you that in this case the truth will sink your ship deeper than the Titanic because men can be the most unforgiving creatures. Believe it or not they’d rather never ever know that you have been tampered with. The reverse though is the case for men; you are better off confessing to your woman who you have cheated than if she finds out herself because if a woman loves you, she will help you fight the “other woman” and somehow convince herself that it’s the other girl’s fault that you strayed (annoying)

LESSON 4: CASE OF THE EX.

When is it Time to Walk Away?

By nature its a lot easier for women to say the words “its over”, “i can’t continue with this”, “i want out”….even when they don’t mean it causing their men to beg them….I think women believe these threats give them some sort of power but what I don’t get it if you love someone how can you think of walking away so many times?

Men on the other hand are structured differently, because they do not want to leave any woman hating them, rather than come out and say what they want, they pass signals…which in my own opinion is stupid but from my observation it works…who knows if that’s where Okafor’s law originated from…hmmmmm

Anyway today we’re going to try to decipher these signals so we ladies can know when to walk away with our dignity intact  because no matter how much they preach that women need to be submissive and blablabla , we need our pride.

1) Calls: I agree that we can’t always remain the way we started in a relationship, but I always ask myself this question….If in the beginning  he felt the need to run every detail of his day by me at every quarter of the day, now that he doesn’t do that anymore abeg who is he telling all that to? If a dude can answer this question then maybe I can change my line of thought…until then….My point is,men please start the way you want to finish, don’t put us on a pedestal and leave us hanging…At first you wouldn’t want to be a nag so you may not mention it but with time you will, and then you complain some more….but honey if your complaints are falling on deaf ears then its time to bow out…don’t give a speech just gently pull away….If he really wants you he will come running at your heels…if he doesn’t you’d have a little pride left.

2) Impatience: Women are eggs, we are to be pampered and treated like precious stones. If you have a man who knows this from day 1 then you are lucky but don’t relax too much oh….these people can change on you at any moment….1 of the clear signs of a man fed up with a relationship is when he starts to snap at you for little things…especially things you have been doing from day 1 eg: If you are the type that doesn’t make the bed when you wake up and in the beginning he used to tease you about it and one day he says “I’ve warned you about this carelessness”…omg…..wahala dey oh. It might just be stress from something else…but when these complaints get very frequent and the apologies take longer to come…the dude might be tired o…or he’s cheating…lmbo…choose 1.

3) The Family story:  “My family doesn’t want me to marry an igbo woman” didn’t you know when you were chasing me round Nigeria that I was igbo? When you were eating Nsala, Nkwobi, Ofe onugbu you didn’t know they were igbo delicacies abi? Or is it the fact that my name is Oby that threw you off? My dear he is just looking for an excuse to dump you and not take any blame for it. Same goes for “My family doesn’t agree with your background” or “I realised I can’t be with a girl who I can trace her relationship foot steps”…bullocks…

4) “Uncoded” Cheating: No man will want the woman he loves, or cares about at least, to find out he is being unfaithful so he goes to extra lengths to hide this fact from her. When you start catching a dude often and he does little or nothing extra to hide his indiscretions, he’s very likely trying to pass a message across.

We need to stop making excuses for these dudes…someone I used to know said to me once; “There is only one way to act if you care about someone.” At the time I told her that my boyfriend expressed himself differently…but now i know she was right. When you love/care for someone deeply, you bend over backwards to ensure that they don’t get hurt on your account. You often times put their needs above your own…

Don’t stick around a man who doesn’t want you and make him pity you and stick with you….you will be the one to regret it later(assuming he even stays).

LESSON 3: WHAT IS CLASSIFIED AS CHEATING?

HOW TO KNOW A POTENTIAL WIFE  BEATER

Most people may be able to swear on behalf of their brothers, boyfriends, friends even fathers etc; but in all honesty some men don’t even realise what they are capable of until they pushed the right way…or should i say wrong way..lol..So the question is how can you know or at least guess that if pushed far enough, your man will whoop your ass. There are some major signs in my opinion;

Is your man a bully?: You have to understand that there are also different types of bullies…there are those that voice out what they want how they want it, but there are also those that are capable of bullying you with just 1 stern look….All of them are potential beaters. You will slowly but surely get used to their way of getting things done especially if you love them or at least think you do. Because whether we admit it or not women love to be controlled. When they have you spun in their web , i dare you to go against what they want. Try publicly disagreeing with that control freak and when he tries to caution you in private just run your mouth and stand your ground….my dear sister…make sure you have foundation handy because you will need it the next morning. If you want to tame a bully don’t start out by submitting to him..start showing him that you have a mind of your own from the get go. He will either let you be or he’d be intrigued enough to stay.

Is he Possessive?: There are different ways for men to be possessive…i personally am possessive, but i don’t feel like im loosing my life when I’m loosing control. The dangerous ones can never let you be oh..they wanna know your business everytime…they don’t necessarily keep anything from you so they don’t expect you to hide anything. Any secrecy is a sign of them loosing power…afterall you’d have to be confiding in someone. That manner of being possessive is a clear sign of self-esteem issues. Because in his subconscious he doesn’t really feel he deserves someone as good as you, every little thing makes him feel you wanna leave him. The moment you get tired of being watched like a goldfish and you try to take a little control or force him to “man-up”, u get beaten…lol…sounds funny but very true. It’s the little things you should watch out for…You go on a date and you bump into an old male friend who happens to be hotter than your beau. Watch his face after you must’ve given the dude a hug and a warm smile…infact chances r you guys may have a random fight  that night..honey its that hug that’s the real reason for the fight. Men like this can also be cry babies always begging you not to leave them etc….ewww

RAGE!!! Does you man have sparks of rage? He’d yell for seemingly little things..not at you at first of course..it never starts that way. There’s a huge difference between a man who shouts and a man who is enraged easily. A man who just shouts can laugh the next ,moment someone says something funny….but rage? Rage lingers for hours…days, sometimes he slips into a mood and he sulks and you find yourself fruitlessly trying to cheer him up. Somedays he gets so angry(this time at you) that he breaks things, he starts smoking frantically(or pacing) appears deaf..infact that’s what is referred to as “blind rage” he seems to no longer be in this world. This happens because he’s trying so hard to control his reactions. One day my dear sister he will lose that battle and you will be sorry.

You also have the calms ones that seem harmless and seem to take all your crap without making a fuss….i pity you.

Most girls see these signs and choose to ignore them or don’t know how to relate…fact is there is no flip side to wife beating no matter what anyone tells you…it doesn’t mean he loves you more it just means he’s SICK and has self-esteem issues. A psychiatrist can help but like they say…you can take a pig out of the gutter but he’ll always be a pig…

LESSON 2: WHEN IS IT TIME TO WALK AWAY!!!

 



  • None
  • livelytwist: Interesting topic that we need to come to terms with. As you pointed out, "...no matter how much you miss your past, there’s a reason you left in th
  • angelsbeauty: Word!
  • Bee: Spot on 👌

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